What My First College Date Taught Me

Okay.

Let's have a little talk, shall we?

I've been at home here at Purdue for two weeks of classes and a week of orientation. I've seen my family once since then, and I've seen my boyfriend of two years once since then as well.

And this is about him.

I get it, okay?

There are thousands upon thousands of American teens that think they know everything. They've spent a good 16-17-18ish years on this planet, and they believe they understand absolutely everything they need to know about love, loss, and life.

That being said, I don't think I know everything. I always have questions and I always want to know more, and it seems the only thing that truly settles my soul is spending time alone in nature, getting to know myself better.

But there are tons of ways I've gotten to know myself, especially in terms of my relationships with other people. I'm very proud of all of the aspects of me, whether you're family, friend, or a complete and utter stranger (though I have a habit of being a bit more socially inept around the latter).

One thing I've gotten to know about myself is I have a very, very hard time giving up. When I'm passionate about something, I work relentlessly towards it. Just seeing my beginning art education goals in front of me--to be achieved four years from now--makes my mouth water. I work on homework relentlessly, leaving myself large accidental gaps of free time when there's nothing left to do. I can't wait to become the best version of myself... and then make myself even better. And to help kids do that too? To help spread the valid argument that art is not only cool, it also matters? To teach that, in terms of science and math and politics and society and everything concrete, art is important too?? That excites me beyond belief. So I'm passionate. I'm stubborn. I don't give in. Even when others set me up for failure. That fills me with even more fire.

And that holds true in my relationship as well. I'm not gonna pretend I've got it all figured out. But here's the thing: nobody does. We're all just winging it.

I am completely committed to my best friend, and I'd have a much different experience adjusting to this wacky world of college without him. 100 miles between us, and yet the intimacy of friendship remains wedged tightly in the spaces around our hearts and our minds. He gives me endless support and is a constant reminder that I don't have to bear hardships and pain alone. It takes a team.

Going into college in a long distance relationship was scary. It was scary for both of us, honestly. When you're young, people laugh at you much more than they should. 

"Long distance relationship? I give it two months." "You'll find someone else." "Hey, when you guys break up-"

It was hard to imagine ever succeeding when the two of us were so often knocked down by "adultier" adults and our peers. Nobody gave us hope.

According to a recent study, 50% of long distance relationships are broken off during the Freshman year. By the end of four years, only 10% of couples that began in a long distance relationship are actually still together. That, my friends, is hard to swallow.

But actually being here? Living through it?

 (rather than living through the faithless words I'd so often heard)

It's completely different.

It's absolutely incredible to me that I have someone who shares in my excitement for my future, someone I can be excited for. Everyone describes the pain of distance and says it can't be overcome, but within me I find more excitement than heartbreak. I don't sit around and waste away because I'm a heartbroken young adult who can't mack on her boyfriend all the time. No. I'm just some crazy young adult who doesn't have it all figured out, but I'm having a wonderful time trying. 

Why would I miss someone so dear to me when they're not gone?

Missing is so much harder than being excited.

I always have something to look forward to, lovelies. A Skype date. A phone call. A letter. A text. A visit. 

We're both growing and maturing and learning about the things we want to be involved in for the rest of our lives. But, at the end of the day, we can't wait to share that with each other. 

So I went on my very first college date with him today. Seeing one of my favorite faces after so many strange new ones felt like taking a deep breath as the wind blows in my face: incredibly exhilarating and yet comfortingly familiar. We had our day, we had our date, and then we both went home. And that's okay.

I don't think I know better than you, and if you want to wish the worst on me for doing what makes me happy, then go for it. Who am I to stop you? But I am so incredibly happy. I am so excited for every challenge and triumph ahead of me. I am so filled with passion and fire and satin and wildflowers and every sunny day I've ever stopped to enjoy.

And I hope you are too.

--Kelsey